In an effort to embrace all the changes in my life I have changed something by choice - my blog layout. It makes me happy to have it look new, fresh and nice. This marks the next season, chapter, era - or whatever you want to call it - of my time in Boston.
Moving here was one of the craziest things, if not the craziest, I had/have ever done - even crazier than being on national tv four times. I completely uprooted my life, packed all of my belongings in 11 boxes and bought a one-way ticket to Boston, Massachusetts all because I loved the view on the subway when you come out over the Charles from the Kendall/MIT stop to the Charles/MGH stop.
Those first couple of months here were really rocky and filled with lonely hours alone in my empty apartment watching four seasons of the WB's old show "Felicity." It was January, it was cold and I had one friend here. She was one of my all time most important friends, and could arguably be considered family, but still just one. (well, two if you count her husband, which I do.)
Quickly I became connected to a group of people who took me in and were excited to have me. It was overwhelming and wonderful. The year that followed was filled with grief, adventure, tears, laughter and the growing of deep lifelong friendships.
Suddenly I am finding myself tumbling down a hill back into a valley. I feel disoriented and confused as to how this happened. I feel frustrated that I can't simply rejoice in having been at the top of the hill at all, but rather am clinging to a broken heart that is wondering why it couldn't have lasted longer.
My sister, Sarah, reminded me today that nobody in my family is a fan of change. Somehow I forgot that because of all the good change I've embraced in the last two and a half years. I forgot for a second what it feels like to have things change without you making the choice for it to be that way. I'm remembering the spinning out of control sensation of having things shifting suddenly and changed without my permission... and it is making me sad. Once again, a reminder that I never was "in control" to begin with.
I know this valley will lead me to another hill, and I can hold on to the hope of that hill... but some days I need to just be sad that I'm in a valley and today is one of those days.
6 comments:
well, not all change stinks.. my love for you changes with each new season.. it grows bigger and bigger.
Wow, do I love the new blog look!!!!! Praying for you friend! Love you.
Elizabeth. First of all. You said that I don't have a nickname for you....but what I failed to tell you is that if a nickname is already in place for someone I can't go along with that...I never call you biz...its always been elizabeth. Sometimes I say bizzy boo to Leslie...but that's just for fun.:) I'm sorry you are in a valley...know that you have a team of people in your life that sit with you down in your valley...I am honored to be one:) Praying for you...Love you!
Love the new blog look by the way!!
Love the new blog look!!! Though things are changing, just remember God never does...and he is ALWAYS with you.
Well, let me be the first to say that I think your new look is kind of a downer. :( It made me sad when I opened it this morning. Listen, BFF+E, my trusty, self proclaimed "community snob", when you've talked about the importance of community, I KNOW you have not just been talking about me, emily and gretchen. You are not only surrounded forever by God's unchanging presence (like Jill said), and millions and gazillions of friends from afar (Texas and a bunch of other places that are not Boston) (not to mention your television fans-literally millions at this point), but you are also loved and cherished by many who are right there next to you. Don't you forget that.
I am thinking of setting a time limit on this blog design, particularly this title 'solitude'. And I'm thinking it goes til like this Sunday when you go to church and realize that you aren't all that alone. Or really alone at all.
(please note I totally agree that the last half a year have been a bit of a kick in the soul in terms of those around you making major life changes.)
Post a Comment
Lettuce talk about it...