broken bodies

I'm sick. I think.
Last night a killer sore throat slammed me around 7pm and hasn't let up. I woke up at 2:30am to take more Tylenol, but go no relief. I'm too busy this week to be sick!

When I think about feeling crappy I immediately scold myself for complaining. I mean, seriously, what's a cold? I know it can make you feel pretty miserable, but it really isn't much compared to the kind of illness people very close to me and people I've never met endure each day.

I'm a terrible patient. terrrrrrible. I complain constantly. I groan about all the little aches and pains. I take lots of medicine, but still complain. I mean it - it really is something. I'd suggest steering clear of me if I ever tell you I haven't been feeling well. There are many days I have a stomach ache which I will complain about, but not like a good 'ole cold. Oh man. The congestion, sinus pressure, sore throat, burning eyes... I can't stand it! I hate being uncomfortable. No, seriously, I know everyone does, but you know that feeling after you've eaten an awesome meal, but just didn't stop soon enough? Yeah, I hate that feeling. The other night I came home really upset because I'd had a big lunch and a big dinner and I just was SO uncomfortable.

So, what's the big deal about that? Well, part is that it is a choice to not stop eating when my brain and tummy say I'm full. The other part is that it is a ridiculous thing to complain about. Don't try to say, "Oh, Biz, its okay- everyone has their down days and whines." I will not believe you.

The reason I won't believe you is because my Mom was made of steel. That woman walked around on a shattered hip for EIGHT YEARS. years. Not days, months. years. Yeah and the crazy part is we had no idea because she never complained about it until about the 7th year when it began to be really unbearable. what?! I would have not made it past eight hours. Seriously. I am such a wimp.

She was also stuck with millions of needles, endured dozens of minor and major procedures and slept in one of those crappy plastic hospital beds for probably as much of her adult life as she slept in her own bed at home. I would have been Empress Annoying. I would have begged for people to stay with me and to keep me company. I would have cried when I didn't get phone calls or letters. I would have asked everyone to pray that my nurses were nice. All so that I would be comfortable.

Last night Meghann came home and told me a shocking story about a woman not much older than me. She came down with septic pneumonia and in the process of saving her life and her baby (8mo pregnant, I think) they had to amputate both her legs from the knee down, her left arm, and one of the fingers on her right hand. I'm not kidding. (ps. you shouldn't be friends with someone who jokes like that) That's not even the worst part - in the midst of this they had to medicate her as part of the treatment and those drugs caused her to go blind. She has a 3(?) yr old at home and now a newborn - no legs. one arm. and four fingers. blind.

The most moving part of her story is that she's not hopeless. She believes God is with her and she has put her hope in him to make her life matter ... to make it rich and full in spite of these tragic disabilities... maybe even because of.

Sometimes I think about my life and I just can't believe how much I'm willing to complain about it. I'm a whiner. God knows this and deals with me accordingly - which means sometimes he's firm with me and sometimes he's perfectly gentle. It makes me sad that I am so self obsessed that I can't think beyond myself.

I didn't mean for this post to be a downer. Just to say that I'm thankful for my Mom. and Lindsay. and this woman I've never met. I'm thankful there are people among us who God enables to display such breathtaking displays of strength that we can't question his presence.