from the inside out

A few years ago I tripped and busted my knee open on the way to a party. It was pretty embarrassing and really painful. I can remember it as if it happened last week. I had blood dripping down my leg and poor Leslie was visiting me for the first time, but I insisted I was okay and we continued to the party. Friends bandaged my knee and the evening turned out to be a lot of fun.

My knee, however, was pretty deeply gashed - gross, I know. I was stressed about the injury and kept calling my sister, Sarah, to ask about treatment and healing times. She instructed me to allow the wound to heal from the inside out to reduce scarring. This meant keeping it covered with ointment and a bandage for several months. I'm not sure if you can imagine how inconvenient this was (and expensive buying the large bandaids) but I was determined not to allow a scab to form so my knee would not forever be mangled looking. Vanity will take me far most days.

This old knee injury came to mind today as I reflected on the healing of my broken heart. This wound isn't visible (all the time :)) but it is in desperate need of deep healing. I imagine I could have taken a shortcut and found ways to avoid the long painstaking process, but God keeps uncovering this tender soft brokenness within me.  I catch my breath in the realization that the wound appears so fresh.

The thing about this method is that it requires the wound to be exposed and cared for by external resources. You must be diligent in applying those things so that the body doesn't try to heal itself by creating a scab. It is inconvenient and a serious practice in patience. Each week when the bandage was changed on my knee I could see the outer rim of the wound shrinking until the diameter was half the size of the original and eventually completely closed. Normally this would gross me out, but it was pretty amazing. Not only did I watch my knee heal before my eyes, but I took an active role in it by applying the medicine and covering it gently each day. How often have I done the same thing with my broken heart by applying the Word of God and seeing him cover it with His love for me?

My heart is healing, but it still feels like a math problem - time+space=healing, right? Time isn't the medicine and space isn't the bandage - those things are not healing my heart. I look at the tiny little rim of healing I can see in my heart and realize God's love and the community surrounding me are slowly, steadily healing it from the inside out.