Dear [future] Disgruntled Elizabeth

Reflecting on my emotional state one year ago leaves me, once again, awestruck by my faithful and kind Heavenly Father. I only wish I had felt this way in the valley of 2013, though I know how difficult it is to thank God for suffering.

In the midst of constant rejoicing this year, I'm surrounded by suffering. I love entering into suffering with people, but the irony is not lost on me that in my own dark seasons I retreat. I let in the ones who are persistent, and I'm starting to see this instinct as the fatal flaw that it is - the enemy of my faith. Oh, how many times I've heard about the sin that loves darkness and hates light and yet I still turn inward and give it power.

As I returned to Boston earlier this year, I grieved for the faith I so willingly let fade during my tantrum last year - and in the previous couple of years, if I'm honest. In my guilt and shame I, once again, found grace and mercy from a God I am quick to regard as wanting of confidence. Lord, may I more quickly release my sorrow and anger to the One who replaces it with peace and hope the next time I do not get what I want.

~~~~~A letter to the future disgruntled me~~~~~

Dearest Elizabeth,

I am sorry you're hurting because of _______. Please remember, dear one, the winter of 2014 when God showered you with too many good things to count and you felt so sad about having spent the better part of the previous 2-3 years in and out of a tug-of-war with him. He is active even when you don't see or feel him, and often especially in those times. These circumstances are not God's Plan B for your life. They are his Plan A - to draw you closer to him and to strengthen your faith now and for seasons ahead. Be still, trust, dig in and do not - under any circumstances - pull away from community and the church.

"The Lord upholds all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down. The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food in due season. You open your hand; you satisfy the desire of every living thing. The Lord is righteous in all his ways and kind in all his works. The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desire of those who fear him; he also hears their cry and saves them. The Lord preserves all who love him, but all the wicked he will destroy. My mouth will speak the praise of the Lord, and let all flesh bless his holy name forever and ever." Psalm 145: 14-21

Love,
Elizabeth