CNN's Glenn Beck Show called me again, asked me to be on the show and then a few hours later said they were changing up the segment and didn't need me. They wanted to discuss the same story in Gloucester, MA with 17 teen girls pregnant this year. The new information was that apparently these girls made a pregnancy pact with one another a few years ago. They thought it would be fun to be pregnant and parent together. (Here's the Time article from today)
Everyone is pointing the finger in every other direction except at themselves. We're all to blame, really. Teenagers need input, wisdom and information from trusted adults. It is clear to see that our society has failed miserably in helping teens understand the depth of the consequences of having sex at such a young age. It isn't just about STDs anymore, really, now we're talking about babies having babies. I have friends in their 30s who don't feel prepared to be a parent, so how in the world could a 14 year old girl? Hollywood.
While flipping through radio stations this morning I was listening to talk radio hosts blast the school district and world for teens having sex then on a local top-40 station I tuned in right as the dj said, "Oh! Congratulations to Jamie Lynn Spears! She had a baby girl this morning, her name is Maddie-(something). Mom and baby are healthy!"
What?! Seriously? Are we going to just throw congratulations around so that every teen girl in the country hears that and thinks, "See, it is cool to be a teen Mom!"
I'm saddened by all of this. Who will tell these girls the truth about how much work it takes to raise a baby? ...how much money it takes? ...how much social support it takes?
My sister has been a single parent for the last nine years (and a damn good one, I might add!) but she would never say she wouldn't rather have had someone to share the load of what parenting requires. In fact, that becomes even more true as Jake gets older and has more questions - it doesn't get easier! Single parents have to trudge up hill in so many ways and I'm thankful for women like my sister and my Mother willing to do whatever it takes to make life work in those circumstances, but parenting on your own will never be better than doing it with a partner. Add on to that maturity and age and it is a recipe for disaster.
It is hard to hear stories like the one in Gloucester without feeling a little bit hopeless about the direction our world is steering young people. We could be doing a much better job.
9 comments:
I agree with you for the most part although I don't think there is a huge direct correlation between Hollywood and teen pregnancy because I can't think of that many teen pregnant "stars" besides Louisana's finest. But my other thought is...I don't really think teenagers want to get/be pregnant! I am guessing most of those pregnancies are accidental. So I don't know if there is really is a huge degree of positive reinforcement around the conception piece of pregnancy. Just around the having the baby part. I mean, at that point, what else can you say except an awkward congratulations? The deed is already done.
Well, maybe I should have said more about the Hollywood piece. In general, single women having babies is supported by Hollywood as admirable and fantastic. The problem is those women have money and lots of "helpers" to make that happen.
As for teen pregnancies among celebs, we could also count JLS's big sis, Brit, but her story isn't so Storybook. The movie Juno didn't help matters, or Knocked Up.
What we see in the classroom (teaching sex ed) is that there are, in fact, some teen girls who want to get pregnant. It is shocking, I know, but it is true. These girls in Gloucester are evidence of that - making a pact to become pregnant. Many schools have normalized it too - I can remember when I was a teen girls who got pregnant finished the year in an alternative program. It was mostly, I think, to help them with their schedule, but in hindsight I'm not sure it was a bad idea to make it seem less glamorous.
The whole thing is just such a mess for our teenagers.
Thanks for the comment!
britney was married and not a teenager when she got pregnant.
and juno was a FANTASTIC movie that did NOT glamorize teen pregnancy. Have you seen this movie? She made the absolute best and most responsible and most loving choice for her baby in that movie.
I stand corrected with Brit.
Yes, I've seen Juno. I even enjoyed it - laughed quite a bit. That doesn't change that it makes teens having sex an "inevitable" and that it made it seem like it was an easy decision to do what she did - which it isn't. I agree, she did the absolute best thing, but my question is how can we as a society help teens avoid being in the situation to have to make such grown up decisions in the first place?
that story is sick. sick. SICK. why on earth would teenage girls make a pact to get pregnant and raise their kids at the same time? why on earth would they think it's fun? if the story is true about the high fives, etc. then it's not 'accidental' pregnancy.
i wouldn't put the whole blame game on hollywood though. but still i'll agree that it doesn't help. even though they movies don't glamourize pregnancy, they make it seem like everything will be ok in the end.
that aggrevates me.
I posted the first post. I kind of agree with you about Juno and Knocked Up--two movies that I couldn't stand because of the pregnancy theme (but only because I'm a movie snob). However, Knocked Up didn't really glamorize pregnancy, did it? I just remember being anxiety-ridden. Juno also. And Britney may have been married but she was YOUNG. Too young in my opinion.
So, I guess my question is based on your experience with the subject matter...why would a teenager want to get pregnant ? Some kind of I-didn't-have-a-good-mother-and-now-I-want-to-be-one complex?
I think I am too old-fashioned and totally out of touch with reality because this is just so weird to me.
Thinking back, Knocked Up probably didn't make pregnancy sound fun/easy, but it still had beautiful Hollywood actors telling a story with a "happy ending" that just isn't necessarily a given in those situations (one-night stands).
I can't say I know exactly why every teen girl who gets pregnant (and wanted to be) was motivated to choose that path. I will say, though, that some have speculated that it has to do with wanting someone to love them no matter what (linked to a broken home, perhaps, or bad dating relationships).
A teen I worked with years ago is now 18, a freshman in college, and just got pregnant - on purpose. She didn't want to stay in college and her parents wouldn't let her quit, so she got pregnant as a solution to get what she wanted. There's little thought about the ramifications of such a decision - only that it is an ends to a means... to get what she wants.
Now, I will say that she wasn't necessarily a stable kid - she wasn't the "average teenage girl" but I think what we're seeing is that there are enough of these girls that we need to be addressing this. I wouldn't say that "most" teenage girls want to be pregnant, but the fact that any of them feel that way and that we can see in a school like Gloucester High dozens of girls feeling that way says to me we need to be talking about this with teens - and soon!
As I reading over this my first thought honestly was, whether they wanted to have babies or not. Whether they thought it cool to be pregnant or not. Whether 5 girls in a school are having babies or 30. The truth is that these girls are not being held accountable. Growing up my mom was so involved in what I did that she would be clued in to the fact that I was at a place where I would make a pact to get pregnant with my friends. We're too busy. Parents, friends, neighbors...were all running around making sure that we are "doing the right things" that we don't stop long enough to really do life with teenagers...sit down with them and ask the hard questions. What bothers you about school? What do you love about your friends? If the sky was the limit what would you love to do with your life? What teacher inspires you the most? Having them thinking and dreaming so big that having sex as a 13 year old just seems a waste of their time. They have bigger and better things to do...they have dreams they are chasing after.
I work with teen moms regularly and sadly in some cultures it is encouraged to become a mom at a young age. It's really expected. It is a shocking fact to those of us who are anglo and in the middle income bracket. It's hard for us to wrap our brains around a COMPLETELY different way of thinking and reasoning. It's definitely true that many girls don't know the reality of how difficult single parenting will be. They are so focused on the "I'll love that baby so much" side of it. That is probably what it boils down to. They want to love and be loved. Hello? The parents should be providing that love when they're that young... unfortunately they don't. So many kids grow up "alone" for the most part. Their parents aren't all that involved.
Then there are those cultures (typically the lower socio-economic levels) that encourage teen parenting. These girls, and often their boyfriends, live in the same home as the parents and it is just one big happy family. The women typically don't work because the men do, so education isn't really valued. I could go on and on... but my point was that there are some cultures (right in our back yard) that encourage and accept teen pregnancy.
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