Hope in a Dying World

This seems to be the theme of my life. Working, trying, wishing for a little hope in a world that is so obviously decaying. What do you do with injustice? fear? abuse?

I've been spending the last couple of months thinking a lot about fear and the grip it has on my life. In the past week that self examination has intensified. I have cried out to God for help and asked for wisdom over and over again, but I still find myself somewhat paralyzed by the fear of the unknown.

I like to think I'm a decisive person by nature. I make decisions everyday some without even having to think much (Libby). I help my friends, coworkers and family make decisions. I read about other people making decisions and am inspired. I have a love - hate relationship with decision making.

If the decision is high stakes I typically freeze and panic. What if I make the wrong choice? What if it isn't what God wanted me to do? How will I undo the damage is may cause? What if I die? -- I know that last one is dramatic and I don't think that often, but ultimately I think its really the baseline fear.

Since I became a Christian at 22 years old I have heard countless sermons, listened to countless songs, and read countless books on dying to self that you might live fully free in Christ. I have this intellectual knowledge that giving up my will and allowing God to conform me to His would be the best case scenario for my life. Now, brains are great, but if your heart doesn't catch up you're in trouble. Seven years later my heart is starting to catch up.

God is sovereign. He is in control of my life and my decisions and the good news is that he is GOOD. Me being in control of my life and decisions is really a bad idea because I'm a mess. I'm selfish, greedy, and fearful. Thankfully, though, Jesus is nothing like that and with him calling the shots I can relax! I don't have to fear making the wrong decision because my life belongs to Christ. He directs my steps and makes my path straight. Not me! All these years I was so sure if I just could get the right pair of shoes then I'd be able to march my perfect path without a hitch.

I still am not sure I fully understand surrendering and I can't boast that I've done that, am in the process of doing that, or really plan to do it today. I do know that God loves me more than I can imagine and that he calls himself my Provider for a reason. I can make decisions, as my brilliant sister Becca said, with the assurance that God has given me an intellect and the wisdom to do so. He is sovereign - I can not take a wrong step if he is in control.