The Word.

Yesterday my coworker and friend, Morgan, spoke some powerful Truth into my life. I am so thankful for her!

After sharing some of my stress in finding direction for my immediate future she simply said I needed to be in The Word. She told me that without feeding my Spirit I'd have a hard time making decisions because my flesh has a whole lot of things to say about what path I choose. I know she's right and I've been feeling this tug lately to be spending more time in God's Word. Somehow, though, I find myself always finding an excuse not to do it. What's really crazy about that is that when I'm in the Bible I find comfort, peace and a grounded feeling I can't describe. Its like a phone call home. You know the kind when you've moved away from home and you just need to call home to hear the voice of someone who knows you and reminds you with just a hello who you are and what you're worth?

My Mom used to do that for me. It has been incredibly painful not having that, but yesterday I had this realization that unless I allow God to do that for me I'm going to spend a lot of time feeling insecure and scared. Truth be told, I'm scared to let him do that for me. I'm not sure I trust him enough which is a point of tension in our relationship that needs repentance. I mean, seriously, if my human Mom could do this how much more could my Creator, Father and Healer do this? I am so backwards sometimes.

This morning I read the book of Philippians. Here's the passage that jumped off the page:

14Do all things without grumbling or questioning, 15that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, 16holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain. 17Even if I am to be poured out as a drink offering upon the sacrificial offering of your faith, I am glad and rejoice with you all. 18Likewise you also should be glad and rejoice with me. -Phil 2:14-18

Seriously, folks this was meant for me on this very day. I am the biggest grumbler and in the last couple weeks have spent more time than I care to admit questioning things. I mean it says right here what I need to do is hold fast to the WORD OF LIFE. That's the answer. All this time I've been struggling, questioning, and hoping for an answer of what to do and its right here in scripture (of course). Be in the Word.

I realize this is all well today and that I am still a sinner and will most likely struggle continuously with being in the Word, but if only I can remember how good it feels to be there. The peace that comes from hearing from my Father - being reminded that I'm not in control of this mess and that I am being taken care of perfectly... that I am loved.

Friday night I'm headed to the woods alone for the night. Don't worry, I'm not camping. A friend has offered their cottage to me and I can't wait to get out of the city and get alone with God. I'm hoping it is a fruitful time of reading, praying and repenting. I'll be sure to take a box of tissues.

The light at the end of the tunnel is in view...