Everyone is motivated by different things. What motivates you to take care of yourself? Maybe for most of us a better question is, "What's missing that we're not motivated to better care for ourselves?"
I have spent my entire adult life in a face-off with my body. Who would be the winner? For over a decade it was my protective walls and deep rooted fears. Last October the tide began to turn and my heart made a run for its freedom. I don't know how it happened. I don't know why it happened then and not ten years earlier. I do know that I'm thankful!
My story doesn't begin with a chubby kid that always hated herself. In fact, I was somewhat of a mystery to the rest of my family because I liked myself quite a bit - maybe a little too much! I knew how to please a crowd and I found my worthiness in the ability to make others laugh, do things I wanted, and generally just think I'm great. I must be great if everyone thinks I'm funny, obeys me and tells others how great I am, right? It didn't take long for that to be more difficult - especially as we entered middle school and everyone started having their own opinion.
I've scrambled for so long white knuckling my grip on control over my life and those around me that, quite frankly, I've completely missed a large part of my adult life. The saddest part? I didn't even know I was missing out.
The journey has just begun in unpacking a lifetime of wounds, confusion, mistakes, lies, and fears about who I am and what God is willing and able to do just because he loves me. My weight loss, though, is directly related to this process. What you're seeing is the physical manifestation of what God is doing internally. He is stripping away my protective walls and exposing me to Light. Most days I feel uncomfortably vulnerable, but some days I just feel really free and beautiful.
I'm thankful for the support in my transformation into a Gym Rat. My life is a mess, but each day, by the grace of God, I'm beginning to see the mess for what it is - a breathtakingly stunning picture of God's love and the Gospel being made real in this sinner's heart. I'm beginning to love the mess.
2 comments:
I know I've said it about a million times, but I'm so proud of the work that you are allowing God to do in your life. :) Thank you for being transparent in your life and allowing us to all learn and thing or two through your journey!
What a word of inspiration! I love that even through weight loss God's glory shines through you! I'm praying for some of that same motivation in so many areas of my life! Thanks for sharing!
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